Tom Meitner

Stare at the window where the sun is shining in. Try to ignore the bars that are somewhat blocking your view. Imagine that you are strolling along, in the sun. Daydream to when you could sit on a toilet in complete privacy, not worrying about whether or not someone was going to be “motivated” by the sight. Remember a time when you were free.

Picture the girls in your life that you haven’t seen for years, and wonder what they are up to. Do your best to forget about the fact that they all remember you, and they all live with the knowledge that they used to be with a convicted felon. Hang your head in shame, knowing that they are breathing a sigh of relief that they got out while they still could.

Close your eyes and force yourself to remember the taste of your mom’s cooking. Smile at the thought of that meat loaf - the cheapest of meals, but one that Mom knew how to make just right, with a side of veggies and mashed potatoes. Say to yourself, “Man, that was good stuff.” Block from your memory the crap that you have been feeding yourself with for the last two years. Swallow that lump in your throat when you remember that you haven’t seen your mom since the courtroom.

Think about your last job and how much you hated it. Shake your head at the idea that, at the time, you thought loading boxes onto a truck while the knives of strained muscles pierced the nerves of your back felt like you were stuck in jail. Acknowledge the irony of that statement now.

Ignore the guy in the cell next to you, and try not to think about what those noises mean. Pretend that you are not hearing it, otherwise you will start having mental thoughts, and you know that none of them are pleasant ones.

Think of the last thing you wore before you got in here. Struggle to remember because it’s been so long. Give up on trying to think of it, because you know it will just make you more depressed.

Climb to your feet and press your forehead on the cool steel of the bars on your cell. Look across at your fellow prisoners that are a few yards away from you. Plan to punch the guy on the left when you get your time outside. Admit to yourself that it won’t make you feel any better.

Slink down back to your bed and lay down. Stare at the ceiling and sigh to yourself. Close your eyes and force yourself to daydream more. Encourage yourself to keep doing this, because it’s the only way to really pass the time. Fight back tears when the realization of that statement hits you.

Swear to yourself that, whenever you get out of here, you will never go back to doing that thing ever again. Promise yourself you have learned your lesson, and never look back. Wait patiently for your chance to get out.