Settle down.
Not like that.
You know, back in high school, I struggled with the dating scene.
I’d get a girlfriend for a long time, but when we’d break up, I would feel like I would never date again.
This was especially true my senior year.
After a particularly rough breakup, I spent the rest of the year struggling to get a date.
One girl showed interest, but I turned her off fast.
Moving into college, there always seemed to be some interest, but I couldn’t close the deal and get dates consistently.
Looking back, I can see signs of opportunities that were wasted.
Girls that I am friends with now like to tell me that “everybody” wanted to date me in high school.
My senior yearbook has notes written from some of the most popular girls in school saying they had crushes on me for 4 years.
Opportunity everywhere.
Yet, I spent years being alone, single, and miserable.
Why couldn’t I see these opportunities?
Why couldn’t I take advantage of them? (Again, not like that. I’m a gentleman.)
And why could I get CLOSE to some of these girls, but never quite get into relationships with them?
Well, because I was too focused on myself.
Missing out on “sure thing” dates
Disclaimer: I am very happily married and wouldn’t do anything in the past to jeopardize the life I have now.
There was no need for me to be lonely or miserable.
I could have had a new date every weekend with beautiful, popular, fun girls.
And they would have been into me.
But my dating life was abysmal because I was far too focused on what I was doing, when I was doing it, how I looked, etc.
I was trying to be cool.
Cool, though, wasn’t what the girls were looking for.
The girls were looking for:
- Fun
- Connection
- Laughter
- Great conversations
I could provide that in spades. Easily.
That is, if I had ever bothered to focus on what the girl wanted.
Instead of accepting the fact that we were having conversations because she WANTED to talk to me and enjoy herself, I kept thinking I had to find a way to sell her on the idea of being with me.
Early-2000s Tom was a dope.
Stop trying to sell yourself to clients
When you start talking to clients, you constantly think in terms of selling yourself.
- Great offers
- Attractive portfolios
- Attention-grabbing pitches
Clients, though, aren’t interested in any of that.
And your relentless focus on those things makes you a turnoff.
Just like my relentless focus on looking/acting my best turned off girls.
You think you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
But in practice, you’re dismissing any opportunity to connect with the client.
What do clients want?
Clients want two things:
- More time.
- More money.
Everything else is secondary.
And here’s the catch: they want those things on their terms.
You can’t march in, promise the world, and expect them to pay you money when they’re not ready to.
You have to position yourself to provide those things… and then let them come to you.
No, we don’t do this with personal branding.
It’s far simpler than that.
We can do that by actively positioning ourselves in cold outreach.
We put ourselves in front of the client – so we are the first person they think of.
Then, when they need a solution, we’re right there to provide it.
If you improve the way you connect and position yourself with a potential client, you can ditch all the time-wasting try-hard advice that the goo-roos are teaching, like:
- Crafting engaging X posts
- Bidding on Upwork jobs “to get you started”
- Personalizing outreach messages
- Recording Loom videos for each prospect
Forget all that.
You can copy-and-paste your way to a six-figure career as a freelance writer… if you focus on connecting and positioning yourself with your potential client.
Then, the client will WANT to hire you – just by showing up and being yourself.
Do it right, and you can do what Early-2000s Tom didn’t: effortlessly have everything you want, without having to put in extra work or stress.